Just when everything seemed settled- all issues and doubts resolved; just when I thought I knew what I wanted out of life; just when I thought I knew my own mind - everything changed in a matter of few days and I find myself back to square one. I have no one to blame but myself.
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Just the other day I was talking to one among my close friends in Law School. We were chatting about how everything had changed ever since we came to Law School. He called me the embodiment of metamorphosis and to be honest I did derive some inexplicable happiness from his vivid accounts of the changes he had observed in me. The conversation meandered into an appreciation of our lives in course of which I proudly proclaimed how happy I was with my life and how everything was going on smoothly. The very next day I received the news of a rather adventurous gesture by one of my classmates to a certain person with whom (I believe) I share quite a few interests. It's a pity that I have never been able to talk to this person about the interests we share. We do talk regularly but mostly about mundane issues- issues about which we're expected to (and required to) interact. Few occasions on which this person wanted to talk to me about other issues were lost (for the lack of a better word) by me thanks to one or the other reason- I distinctly remember on one of these occasions I was undergoing a terrible phase of mood-swing and on other occasions I guess I was overwhelmed and I couldn't really gather the courage to extend the conversation. Anyway; ever since I received the above mentioned news, nothing has been the same- every moment I feel compelled to think about certain decisions I made in the past and whether I was mature enough to have made those decisions. Last night I was asked to attend a certain gathering (part of an established practice in Law School to celebrate an occasion in a certain manner) which I did- this person was the cynosure of the gathering and I gave something to this person just to convey my best wishes. In another couple of days I'll leave for Mumbai and this person (I am told) will leave for Delhi- a break lasting about 8 weeks. Perhaps, I'll be able to think clearly about this whole thing which has been occupying my mind during this period and make a decision.
It's really amazing how vagueness (of thought, of reality) can be soothing at times!
